When a spouse finds out about an affair, the couple comes to therapy struggling and in pain. Couples counseling is typically initiated by the person who discovers the affair. This person feels betrayed, rejected and devalued. Their partner feels guilty, ashamed and humiliated. The couple wants back what was and cannot figure out how to get there. Often they blame each other and can only connect with anger.
The truth is they cannot go back and undue what has been done. They must grieve the loss of the past and begin to reinvent the relationship. This requires resiliency and commitment. It is possible to learn to trust and create new loving bonds built on mutual respect, honest communication and the desire to be connected in a more genuine, gratifying way.
To learn more about the issues in dealing with this problem and evaluating your decision to leave or stay in the relationship go to: Learning to Love Again After an Affair